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There’s a subject I tend to avoid, but a friend briefly brought it up during our study tonight and something she said stirred me and God and I talked about this the rest of the night. To the grocery store after study group, one the way home, unpacking the groceries, I was thinking about it. She mentioned that she (a new Christian) was wrestling with some issues, like homosexuality.
She said she still feels like some people are just born a certain way and they can’t help themselves. My response in the moment was just to give agreement, that I too had wrestled with that when I first came to Christ, but that I came to see many other flaws people are born with, but still have to overcome. What I didn’t mention, because I believe God hushed me in that moment for reasons all His own, was my own inborn flaw that I overcome every day only with God’s help.
I was born one way and in Christ was reborn another
My senior year of high school I discovered that what my parents referred to as freshmanitis, sophomoritis, junioritis, and now senioritis, was actually a psychological illness. After a note of encouragement in math class, I found that something was really wrong with me. It was some years later, after a wrong doctor/medication combination too many, and a letter from a social worker describing my birth mother’s mental health history, that I uncovered bipolar disorder.
After a few months of hardy research, late nights online and in the library, on campus and off (I was in college by now), I found out that I very likely had a low-grade bipolar II, or more of a cyclical hypermania, with symptoms appearing in a lesser degree and much more frequent and regular. There’s not much difference between it and my mother’s bipolar I. It’s like the difference between being hit with a big rock once or twice a year, or being hit with tiny pebbles throughout the day, every day. You can argue the severity of one over the frequency of the other, but they both suck.
But the truth is, not one book or article I’ve read, or doctor I’ve spoken with has refuted the fact that a very many bipolar patients are born with this specific chemical imbalance that causes a thought-process so unlike reality you might know. This in turn causes behavior with no hope of explanation beyond a declaration that Natalie is just weird, on a good day, and totally irrational on a bad day.
For example, I have a chattiness about me that is endearing at best and at worst, I look like I’m just the most self-centered person you’ve ever met, not letting you get a word in. I can’t tell you how it drives my groom crazy. :) The thing is, it’s not as though I feel like what I have to say is so important you just have to hear it. It’s that I have so much going on in my head that if I don’t get it out, to someone, anyone, it will keep building up, like a room full of junior high band kids on their first day with an instrument and it will drive me insane. I’ve had actual breakdowns from this internal noise.
My chattiness is a defense mechanism in a way. This is why blogging (and now twitter) work so well for me. On the surface there may be times I come off as me-centric, not caring about what other people have to say, but it’s really just me emptying my brain so I can actually hear other people.
We’re still accountable to God, even for our inborn nature
There are many other symptoms, some much more severe, but no matter what, I am accountable for my sin. Even though it’s technically not my “fault”, I can’t just sit back and use my illness as an excuse. I can’t say to a friend, Excuse my insensitivity, I’m bipolar, it’s just how I am.
I have to apologize when I talk too much, ask their forgiveness, and work harder to show them I do care for and appreciate what they have to say.
In the same way, I can’t say to God, I’m sorry I’m not everything the Bible says I should be, but hey, you made me this way, so you have to accept me the way I am.
Again, I have to confess my sin, beg His forgiveness, and work to fight my symptoms every day. And just like a good friend, I know He’ll help me in my fight, telling me where I’m going too far and guiding me back to the right path.
When I think about people with same sex attraction, I feel so sad for them, for many reasons. Mostly, I feel sad that the world is telling them what’s happening to them is perfectly okay. I feel sad that otherwise good Christians are telling them they’re not okay (it’s none of our business). And I feel sad that there are so many lovely people who aren’t coming to Christ because they either feel unworthy, or because they assume God will accept them in their sin simply because they might have been born that way.
Many bipolar patients and even kleptomaniacs might have been born with certain tendencies. In fact, all humans are born with a sinful nature. To some degree, we’re all born with a rebelliousness, a desire to do our will over God’s. But being naturally driven to do something doesn’t make it okay, it just makes it harder to do the right thing by God. It makes us depend on Him more.
My mom said to me snidely once that I need God, she doesn’t. In context she meant that I’m the one with problems, that she’s just fine and doesn’t need God. It hurt, sure, but when I took it to God, he showed me what a gift it was. Without this constant battle against my own mind (don’t forget my memory issues too), I wouldn’t cling to my savior the way I do. I wouldn’t know His unspeakable love and absolute joy that gets me through anything. There’s such peace in knowing I’m capable of conquering my sin, in spite of being born that way! And there’s peace in understanding that my own sin is the only kind of sin I’m responsible for.
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Beautiful post, Natalie. You’ve hit the nail on the head and expressed it so nicely, too! And we’re so glad that you use your chatterbox-ing to such good advantage here. ;)
Thanks! Yeah, the people in my life here are also thrilled that I blog. ;)
Natalie, My wife and I were talking about this very subject the other day and came to pretty much the same view that you have. We are each born with an innate desire to sin and at some point in our lives, we’re going to give in to one or multiple sins. What that sin is depends on an individual’s personality and background. It could be theft or murder, or anger and bitterness. Or, perhaps, homosexuality. Whatever that sin is, we have to daily keep ourselves accountable to God to not fall into the trap of that sin.
So, in short, people are correct when they say they were born a homosexual. Yes, but they were also born a liar, murderer, adulterer, and the list goes on and on. Whether they sin that sin or not is their choice and it’s their responsibility to overcome it if they fall into it.
Very good post Natalie. In a recent study I found something interesting. David, the man after God’s own heart, in Samuel 17 is asking the soldiers what would happen if they were to defeat the giant Goliath. His brother attempts to pull him (David) away from these men of war. The process of waiting to die was one thing, but don’t give them hope. David disregards his brothers attacks and chatted with many soldiers. After awhile it was told to Saul the words that David spoke to the soldiers. What is recorded in the Bible is that David asked a simple question, “What shall be done for the man who kills the Philistine…?” David, after talking with the soldiers must have realized a few things: 1) The soldiers allegiance to Saul was great, 2) Their faith in God was weak or non-existent, 3) They feared captivity over the reward of winning, which psychologically hurts a warrior, and 4) His (David’s) faith in God would allow God the victory.
David’s faith and trust in God allowed him to understand these men of war, depose the real reason they had not engaged in choosing a fighter, and he gave himself through the grace and strength of God, that God would receive the honor.
That is what matters the most, that God receives the honor. It is not about the riches we receive for doing something, but the honor God receives because we listened.
May we open our ears, close our mouths (which is hard for me all the time), hear the words of God, and do what He asks.
In Christ, Bryan
Thanks again, Natalie.
God is God, and I am not. God is good, and I am not.
Reminds me of a favorite quote from C. S. Lewis:
Natalie, I love you, friend! We have such kindred hearts / spirits. Talk to you soon (or later)!
Very good post, Natalie. I think you are spot on. When we lived in Toledo we went to a church in which one member announced that he was gay. He also said that he knew God loved him anyway and that He expected him to not act on his homosexuality because to do so was a sin. Our pastor that day talked about how we all are bent in a certain way that will cause us to sin if we act on it. We must all support each other and encourage each other.
By the way, your paragraph about your chattiness really struck a cord with me. I, too, am so chatty that I feel as if I’m constantly talking people’s ears off and monopolizing conversations. I then have to apologize as well, which makes me feel so bad. sigh I feel as if it’s an issue I am always dealing with.