Breaking from homeschool

Someone asked me recently why we weren’t homeschooling this year, more specifically, “why didn’t it work out?” I should answer that because it’s not at all about it not working out. It worked out just fine and I’d do it again if the circumstances were right.

Why we chose homeschool last year

If you were here last year when we pulled her from kindergarten and made the decision to do school at home, public school was never off the table permanently. We were always taking it one year at a time.

My original concerns were about AJ’s age and her individual preparedness for that world – she just wasn’t. The things I saw coming in the general state-recognized curriculum were not things she could handle being exposed to.

You can’t teach a child about Martin Luther King Jr. without talking about the difference between “black” and “white” – and for AJ that meant learning her playmate next door with mixed race parents was different from her and her blonde friend down the street. She wasn’t ready to hear that.

Likewise, you can’t teach a child to say ‘no’ to drugs without teaching them what drugs are and how people use them. She wasn’t ready for that either. She doesn’t even know about cigarettes or alcohol except that she isn’t allowed to taste Mom’s wine because it’s a “grownup drink”.

So we stayed home for kindergarten. Actually we finished kindergarten that winter and were 75% through first grade this summer when it was time to decide whether we would enroll her again or keep her home another year.

Why we chose public school this year

As a matter of fact, if we had the money we wouldn’t have chosen public school but a private Christian school instead. But we don’t. There were many factors that took the better part of the summer to hash out but here’s the jist:

• We were never able to get her to a social setting often enough with the twins in tow.
• She was getting a little too dependent on me to where she couldn’t make a basic decision without my input. She could use a little independence.
• I’m lazy and trying to teach the twins shapes and colors along with her reading/writing/math/etc was too much for my stressful brain to manage. :)
• And, she bugged me all year about playing with the neighborhood kids, who were all in school. Although at the beginning of last year she was begging to stay home and do school, this year she really wanted to go to public school and I believe strongly in letting her make decisions (or believe she’s making decisions) when it’s important to her and she’s thought it through.
• Most important to mention – we have a great school district that is pretty conservative. The principal and I talked a bit about homeschool and transitioning AJ back to public school. She was very supportive and helpful. Many school staff are incredibly judgmental of homeschooling families.

AJ brings her Bible coloring book to school too, with no problems. I know in many schools across the country that would be a big deal. She’s so open and friendly and wants to share God with everyone. That was a huge fear for me in sending her away to school, that she would get a teacher who would try to dampen that spirit. Thankfully, here in the midwest that’s not an issue – yet.

Would I recommend one or the other?

No.

The truth is, it’s totally different for everyone. There are those who insist there’s no other way to do it than homeschool and there are those who are equally judgmental of those who send their kids to public school.

But I’ve NEVER been a black and white thinker. It’s annoying to a point even, because I ALWAYS see every side of an issue. It drives my husband mad when he has a hard opinion about something and I only half agree with him (that’s most of the time). :)

So I have to look at my kids individually and the school, grade, and teachers individually. I consult my husband but he has made it my decision. He gives his input but understands and respects my maternal drive that makes decisions for us. I’m extremely protective of the kids, but very realistic too.

Is homeschooling sheltering?

Just a note about the issue of sheltering. Someone expressed confusion recently at parents who wanted to keep their kids from watching Obama’s speech on Tuesday. She was being judgmental of parents who opted out. She assumed their reasons were nothing more than hating Obama and wanting to shelter their kids from the big bad president.

I’m sure there are a lot of people like that, but that wasn’t me. I didn’t vote for him and I think he’s purposefully deceptive in much of what he says and does, but that has nothing to do with my opting in or out of my child watching him speak.

For the record, we didn’t opt out, but my stand on the issue was this:

1. Everything that is said at school, by any adult, much less the President of the United States, holds an air of authority that parents can’t compete with. Think back to your own childhood. How many times did you disagree with your parents because a teacher said something contrary?
2. For those whose schools did not pre-screen the speech (ours did) there was no way to know just what he would say. That’s a scary thing to have any politician talking to your child, with the authority of the school setting to back him up, without you there, and without knowing what he’s going to say.
3. Depending on the age of your child, it may just be that he or she is too young to understand a speech designed to be heard by much older children as well. Were Obama set to talk to first graders only, and the speech designed for their little ears, I know my list of objections would have been shorter.

In the end, I’m thoroughly grateful we were given the opportunity to read/hear the speech Tuesday before they showed in on Wednesday. After reading the transcript I saw nothing wrong and let her hear it.

What she got out of it was only that the president’s dad left him when he was little and “that is really sad.” I hugged her and assured her that her dad would never leave like that. What else can you say to a 6-year-old that doesn’t know parents don’t stay together forever anymore.

Homeschooling is not about sheltering, but about filtering. When my friend accused people of sheltering their kids from the president, I explained it’s not about keeping the truth from a child (because one day they WILL hear it), but it’s about filtering the truth through us so that when they do hear it, they have a compass, a foundation to stand on (see Proverbs 22:6).

Example of filtering

Earlier this year AJ wanted to climb up slides. The twins wanted to follow. But, it’s not a polite thing to do on the playground. You never know when a kid may be coming down and you don’t want to be in their way – and it’s dangerous for the little ones to climb up, who can’t get out of the way. So we have a rule that you just don’t do it.

I did explain to AJ that yes, technically it’s OKAY to climb up a slide. There’s no playground police, but there’s more to it than just a rule. There’s a reason for the rule and it’s the reason that matters — a related biblical lesson ensued from there. ;)

Yesterday she was playing with a new friend at the playground who wanted her to go up the slide with her. Aj said, No, I’m not allowed to go up the slide. The little girl responded, What? I can! Boy, you sound just like your mom. But according to my niece who was telling me this story (I wasn’t there), AJ stuck up for herself (and me), and didn’t go with the girl.

Here she was, hearing the “truth” from this other girl that yes, it’s okay to climb up a slide, but because she had heard the filtered truth first from me, she stuck to her guns even though it might have cost her a playmate. I nearly fell over from the pride of it. :)

So it’s about not letting someone else tell our kids what’s what. Our job as parents isn’t to send our kids off to school and let the school (government) decide what is important for them to know. It’s our responsibility to raise our kids. It’s the only way the government will butt out and let us! Oh boy that’s a big soap box, sorry, I’m done now. :)

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